Dear Velour Jumpsuits,
You had a nice run. For a little over a year (maybe even 2!) you were everywhere in urban fashion. Both men and women rocked the hell outta you. You were seen in music videos, on award show carpets, out in the clubs, basically wherever. You even made it onto famous album covers like Nas’ “Stillmatic”:
Men and women alike cringed in hormone-raged envy everytime a then-on-top-of-the-world J.Lo crammed her amazing ass into you:
Then….disaster struck (see opening picture). Soccer moms all across America started purchasing you by the ass-load. Perhaps it was because of J.Lo, or perhaps it was because of the extreme comfort and soft feel, but whatever it was, it started your downfall. As quick as you burst onto the scene, you busted out of it. You became a Marshall’s Red Light Special and every company known to man was dropping velour jumpsuits out the sky with “JUICY” across the ass, or big Family-crest-looking-things on the back of the jackets for males.
I’m not sure where you went, or if we will ever see you again in the public eye. You can still be purchased, sure, but who actually still wears these things? Nobody I’ve seen or know in a long time. You are one fad that I do not miss.
J.Lo’s ass pre-Marc Anthony crammed into you though? THAT’S another story….
Until next time,
The Mixtape Monster