So I’m going to try to start writing more posts on here instead of just posting videos and music. I don’t mean the “Where You At Wednesday” types, but the types like this instant-classic from way back. You know, the type of post that makes you say, “Damn, that Monster dude is a bonafide pimp.” Okay, well maybe not that far, but I figure I should let the readers in more on my actual life. That is what a blog is for, right? Ahh, I digress.
Anyhow, this post is about Gym Tools. You may be reading this, thinking that I’m going to outline a workout plan for you, or that I’m going to provide you with excellent insight about machines at the gym. You’d be thinking wrong.
This post is about those toolbag guys you see at the gym all the time. Now, I’m not in peak physical condition by any means, so I’ve got no problem with someone who goes to the gym every day to get swole. I work out 3-4 times a week with some cardio and light weights. I play basketball at least once a week as well. But, you can go to the gym without being a douchebag about it.
We all know about the guys that yell and lift weights just to show you how much stronger they are than you. Nevermind they are obviously Barry Bonds fans who are in the locker-room sticking needles in each other’s asses. That’s your own choice to look like a clown.
There are a couple of dudes at my gym though that drive me up the wall. I hate them. I honestly do. One of these people, is this guy:
I call him “Laughing Old Guy.” There could be 100 elliptical machines open, and he saddles up beside me everytime. At least 3 of the 4 days a week I’m there. I always have my tunes rockin’ and I’m watching “PTI” on the TV in front of me. But Laughing Old Guy feels the need to laugh at EVERYTHING. He laughs at all screens. I’ve seen him laugh at Chris Matthews on “Hardball”. I’ve seen him laugh at NFL’s Greatest HITS. I’ve seen him laugh at “Entertainment Tonight.”
It’s not just any laugh either. It’s this annoying, super high pitched, quick chuckle. The type of laugh you expect from someone who finds “Family Circus” hilarious. Laughing Old Man laughs so much, I honestly thought he might have some sort of tourette’s for a while, and I felt bad for hating him so much. That was, until, he ended up beside me on several leg machines and I never heard him laugh once.
I constantly find myself looking around like “Doesn’t this bother anyone else? Are you people not highly annoyed by this?” I mean really. CNN isn’t funny dude, and if it is, it isn’t THAT funny, especially when you have to read the captions to even know what’s going on!
And another thing…Laughing Old Guy wears the same outfit everyday. I mean, I’m not one to crack on your fashion sense at the gym, but when you saddle up beside me 3 days in a row in the same gear, it makes me wonder. Does he do laundry every day? Is he wearing sweaty clothes he pulled out of his bag from yesterday? These are the things I try to contemplate instead of punching him in the face.
The other guy I have a real problem with I have dubbed “THAT Douchey Guy.” I wish I had a picture of him, but I don’t…..yet. I’ll try to snag one for you guys next time I see him. THAT Douchey Guy is basically “THAT GUY” at the gym, except he’s douchey. This is the guy that is always there. I’ve been a member of my gym for almost 2 years, and I’m pretty sure over 90% of the time I’ve been there, I’ve seen That Douchey Guy.
You all know the type. 29 year old white guy with nice physique who probably works at the gym late at night part time. The guy who somehow knows all the people who work at the gym, and half the people that work out there. The guy who clearly works out, but you’ve never actually seen him working out. He spends more time douchin’ around then doing anything else.
The Cougars of the gym love him. He comes by and gives them pointers on their form. The Meatheads respect him, “Man, that guy is always in the gym goin’ hard in the paint!” The teenage chicks want to go to second base with him. The gym employees wonder if he can pick up their morning shift. Even if he doesn’t have a job there, he knows his way around.
I’m not sure if any of that is true, but you can tell by the smirk on THAT Douchey Guy’s face, that he certainly thinks it is.
That Douchey Guy has even been spotted at the gym pool, twirling a whistle, and he isn’t even a lifeguard. I’ve spotted That Douchey Guy rocking sunglasses, yes SUNGLASSES IN THE GYM.
I spend a lot of time imbetween reps when I see this guy thinking “I wonder how I can tell this guy to tone down his douche-level without having him beat my ass.”
I’ll try to snag a photo of him soon for everyone.
In the meantime, do you have any Gym Tools to share?