So one day in late 2009, Big Soda and I were watching a college basketball game (regrettably, I do not remember the teams playing, or the player that spurned this) but there was a guy on the court and as soon as we saw him, we busted out laughing. It wasn’t that he was funny looking. It wasn’t that he was bad. He just looked like he should be playing in 1992, and not 2009-2010. This got us thinking a few days later, and we decided that over the course of the 2009-2010 basketball season we would build a list of these types of players. They may look like they should have played in 1992, or maybe look like they have been playing since 1992. The following are those players. They make up the 1st Annual Mixtape Monster Blog All 1992 Retro Team.
It should be noted that being on the 2010 Mixtape Monster Blog All 1992 Retro Team is an honor. It has nothing to do with skill, and everything to do with psyche.
Without further delay, I present to you (after the jumpy-jump), The 2010 Mixtape Monster Blog All 1992 Retro Team…
Jamal Fenton – New Mexico
Reminds me of a modern-day Elliot Perry. Not ready to commit to the high-socks, but not ready to leave them behind.
Jason Hannibal – Portland
That guy on your Y-league team that should be dominating, but hasn’t yet “grown into” his body.
Osirus Eldridge – Illinois State
Took the 2009 NCAA Tourney by storm with excellent performance. Gets the nod here though because he has the most retro name in college basketball. The only way this cat’s name could be more meant for a 45 year old college baller is if it was Eldridge Osirus.
Nathan Walkup – Texas A&M
THE MONSTER: Glad he has his “baller bands” on top of his socks, and on his ankles. Quite protective.
BIG SODA: How did Keith Van Horn get more eligibility from the NCAA?
Daniel Orton – Kentucky
THE MONSTER: A more athletic Oliver Miller?
BIG SODA: Even Ed Davis feels sorry for him getting hung on a dunk. Knee brace on too tight, perhaps?
Josh Southern – Boston College
Slower than a stand-still bullet! Able to leap anthills in a single bound! More gauze than your standard Halloween mummy!
Tim Ambrose – Albany
Jumped from small school to small school since ’92 to stay under the radar.
Dallas Lauderdale – Ohio State
Widest drop step since Eric Montross. Oldest looking Buckeye, since…well…Greg Oden.
Mike Smith – East Tenn. State University
Rex Chapman B.R. (Before Razor)
Joe Trapani – Boston College
BIG SODA: Looks like he’d be more comfortable making backdoor cuts for Princeton in the ’92 Tournament than running alongside guys like Tyrese Rice.
THE MONSTER: Got tons of ass in high school. Now just gets tons of ass from high school girls.
Logan Magnusson – BYU (from Salt Lake Juco)
THE MONSTER: That uber-sweaty guy you avoid guarding at all costs.
BIG SODA: Not really fair, because everything in Utah is at least 13 years behind the rest of the country.
THE STARTING FIVE
Tweety Carter – Baylor
Multiple hairstyles, his name is Tweety, and he’s a PG wearing number 45. No explanation needed.
Gregory Echenique – Rutgers
BIG SODA: Not an assistant coach.
Craig Williams – Temple
BIG SODA: When I first saw this, I thought it was an altered photo of somebody’s uncle in a Temple jersey.
THE MONSTER: I’m pretty sure it is.
Bryan Davis – Texas A&M
BIG SODA: Looks like the obligatory African project that every Big 12 school had in the 90′s.
THE MONSTER: Had a career night when he held Donyell Marshall to 3 points in the high school state finals.
Ryan Evans – Wisconsin
BIG SODA: A tribute to the early part of Robert Horry’s career.
THE MONSTER: Stunt-double for The Fresh Prince
Well there you have it, people. The 2010 Mixtape Monster Blog All 1992 Team. Did we forget anyone? Let us know in the comments!