Old Dirt Dog, But I’m Not Dogged Out

 

Okay, so it was Saturday night, about midnight. Butta Butros and myself have been at Speakeasy for a couple mins and I decide to hit up their jukebox (big surprise, right?). They have a pretty large selection, but not too much hip hop. We found a healthy mix a couple weeks ago when it was me, Dead Mike and The Tan Man there. We played a couple songs and a good mix that night. Saturday night, however, I dropped a dollar in there for 2 plays (what a rip, but your boy was kinda leanin’ at this point, so whats 100 pennies to a player?) and started thinking about what I’m going to play. I decide first on Run DMC “It’s Tricky”. I figure that will satisfy pretty much the whole type of crowd there. The type of song that even if you don’t like hip hop you don’t mind. The hipsters will like it too, so it’s a safe winning pick. I’m looking next for something that I myself want to hear, I figure I can be selfish with half my picks, right?

 

I’m browsing through and come across the album cover for Wu-Tang Forever. I’m thinking “okay, that’s kind of harder than I expected this machine to take it, so I’m down with “Triumph,” it’s a good song and not something I would imagine gets played too much.” So I touch the screen to see the songs of that CD and there’s no Triumph. There is “Reunited” and OH, what’s this? Could it be? Are you serious? The most raunchy song on the CD? The song that stradles the line between innovative genius and drugged out psycosis? Yes. There it was. And I chose it. “Dog Shit” by the Wu-Tang Clan but solely featuring Mr. Russell Jones him self, Ason Unique, BIG BABY JESUS, Ol’ Dirty Bastard.

 

Now this song also was a B12 favorite when I lived with Butta Butros. So I just inform him that I picked two songs, and he’ll know the first one when it comes on, but the second one is a fucking SHOCKER. We hang out for like 2 or 3 more drinks and we keep hearing decently over played rock songs, and bad 80’s songs (no, not even the good ones). After a while, we are trying to leave, but Butros is dying to know what I played since I told him it was a jam he would NEVER in a million years expect to be on that machine.

 

I’m frusturated, so I roll up to the machine, throw another dollar in there and choose “Dog Shit” two more times. I return to the bar and tell Butros that I think I may have outsmarted the machine, and maybe since I picked it twice and talked some shit to it, that it will obey the Monster’s commands. 2 more songs…..it doesn’t. Butros then has an epiphany, or more of a “you’re a dumbass dude” moment. Apparently, you can use both your credits and pick one song to PLAY NEXT instead of entering 2 songs in the queue. So, I go do that and we sit near the machine, waiting in anticipation for the current song to end…

 

Next thing you know…”DOG SHIT”! The barking starts, oh yes. Oh Boy turns around from the bar and is like “oh hell yeah, did you play this”…Y’ALL KNOW, I GOTCHA! Lukewarm reception from most of the place, we were kinda hoping for outrage. The song ended with no weird stares to the machine, and none of the older crowd there (a few late 30’s and maybe a 40’s or two) gave it a second thought. Did we now live in a society where “Dog Shit” is just some regular ass song you play at the bar while playing pool? Seriously?

 

The next song….It’s Tricky! Knowing that it was going to be followed by “Dog Shit” 3 more times in a row……we decided to leave and hit up the Resevoir and let the rest of the bar enjoy the 3 time repeat encore, my “Dog Shit” dreams being at the same time both satisfied and shattered, but the hilarious thoughts of people having to listen to that song 3 more times. Take that Speakeasy. You didn’t mind it once, but what about 3 more times….in a row??? And now, I will leave you, with an excerpt of the Dog Shit lyrics. Rest in peace Ol’ Dirty, rest in peace.

 

 

You’re the type of bitch don’t appreciate sheeeit
Never had sheeeit, so you won’t be sheeeeit
That pussy there, couldn’t satisfy a hair
on my body, treat me like a lolli and slob me down
*SLURP, SLURP* I’m Doo Doo Brown!  Hehahahaha
Tossed salad, oh you in some shit now
Callin me a dog, well leave a dog alone
Cause nothin can stop me from buryin my bones
in the backyard, of someone else’s house
Ol Dirt Dog, but I’m not dogged out
Here comes Rover, sniffin at your ass
But pardon me bitch, as I shit on your grass
That means hoe, you been shit-ted on!
I’m not the first dog that’s shitted on your lawn

 

 PS- seriously? why would this be in the machine at the bar? who hears that and thinks “oh yeah, throw that in the party machine”?